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Saturday, February 25, 2012

Big News!

Starting tomorrow you can purchase "My time in Hell..." for your Amazon Kindle. It's only four bucks and a great read. Please, I could really use your support.

An open letter to the one I’ve left behind

On love, on life-Bayside

Ana,

I guess things didn’t end quite as we had planned them just a year ago, did they? At least we tried and, while I can’t speak for you, I know I certainly gave it everything I had. The truth is the signs were there all along, but we blinded ourselves to them because we wanted so desperately to believe that maybe for once life had decided to be kind. This was something we weren’t ever quite able to reciprocate.

You see, once we were faced with the reality of our choices and there was no turning back it didn’t seem to be what either of us expected or wanted. I now think the fights were your way of trying and get me to throw in the towel, but when I didn’t you became increasingly desperate until you finally pulled the trigger yourself.

The drive back was a completely new level of pain and the tears didn’t stop after it was over. The world shattered around me and it plunged me into a downward spiral of self destruction I almost didn’t walk away from. I had to atone for all the risks I’d taken and the price was catastrophically high. I fought with all of those I’d left behind and was barely left standing once they relented. Mom’s house was broken into and almost everything I’d had left was stolen away from me. You won your last fight last January when my car was repossessed. There were so many nights I’d lock myself in my room and alternate between being angry with the way things ended up and missing you so bad until the hatred turned itself inward. I’m ashamed to admit how many times I almost let it do me in.

Love Maker (Acoustic)-Saosin

As the days drug on I found myself without direction or purpose. A few of the only things left untouched after the break in were the notebook and writing supplies we bought on one of our trips to Wal-Mart. I remembered the excitement I’d felt that night when we got home and how it faded once I settled back into our routine. I decided to try and recapture that spark and with it I finished the three year long rewrite on My Time In Hell…and the feeling of accomplishment was so much better than the self loathing I’d been trapped within. There’s no other high quite like creating something from the heart and I chased the dragon.

I had just moved in with my cousin and while in the room I grew up in I sat down to write the book I’d promised you back when things between us were still idealistic. After over 1000 hours of labor I’ve No Reason To Dream was complete and, while it was not what I originally planned for it to be, the end result was something so much better than I ever thought myself capable of. Then, the tides began to change.

After the war was over and the smoke had cleared I emerged stronger than ever before. Releasing all the venom which coursed through my veins also left me with a rare sense of clarity. Looking back on everything I know now I wouldn’t change the end of us, because, contrary to all the evidence I thought I saw, we weren’t right for each other. I am sorry I lied to you and it’s the one thing I’d take back if I could. From what I hear you’re doing well and I hope you’ve been able to reclaim your identity. As for me, it's time to relinquish all the anger, sadness, resentment and affection for you I’ve been clinging onto. I need to let you go.

What I’m about to say probably isn’t what you were hoping to hear, but I do want to be honest. For you see, love has found me and I think I needed to experience all I did with you in order to be the man I have to be in order to make it work. I learned more from you than anyone else I’ve ever met and for that I want to thank you. I’m also going to remember all the good times you and I had together; instead of intensely focusing on all of those which were less than favorable. All I can ask is for you to try and do the same. If, however, you choose instead to hate me for everything, I understand and hope that someday changes.

With the utmost sincerity,
Davlin

3685-The Spill Canvas

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Last night I had,
the most wonderful dream
The two of us,
were cuddled up on the love seat.
My pulse racing,
as my hand finds every curve.
I wanted to,
kiss you but lost my nerve.
Getting lost in,
the biggest eyes I've ever seen.
Memories of,
better times rushing back to me.
A second chance,
in this life is truly rare.
And after all,
this time my feelings are still there.
Then you touched my,
face as your lips met mine.
I swear to you,
I'm gonna get it right this time.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

I’ve no reason to dream…: The pitch

When I tried to get my first novel, My Time In Hell, published it was met with little or no interest. It’s with this in mind I decided to try a drastically different approach with my second. While the found footage genre of film is certainly nothing new; it has found a bit of resurgence in Hollywood recently. When done correctly, this storytelling approach can do wonders to hook the viewer in and give a unique experience. To my knowledge, this has never been done in literature. Until now.

The set comes packaged within an evidence bag. The first piece you’ll find within it is I’ve no reason to dream…, which comes in the form of a handwritten journal. It starts a little before my first novel ends to help bridge the gap between the two. After struggling for years to attain the level of security most would sell their soul for, the writer finds himself complacent and at a crossroads. On one side is the dream he’s been chasing for years and on the other lays the love he’s yearned for just as long. He sacrifices everything only to find both to be fool’s errands. It then shifts to dealing with heartbreak and loss; prophetic dreams and visions detailing the end of the world; encounters with demons and other supernatural entities; as well as finding a way through the darkness after the light which was guiding the way is extinguished. As the reader makes their way closer to the climax illustrations and haphazardly arranged text show the writer’s rapid descent into madness, complete with a bitching soundtrack. The twist?

Every single word within its pages is 100% true.

It’s also an enigma and the reader is placed in the role of detective in order to figure out exactly what is happening, but they’re going to need a little help. The second piece in the bag is the cipher, which comes in the form of a flash drive with nearly 3 gigs of material. On it you’ll find almost everything I’ve ever created in my nearly ten years of writing. The reader will need to take the cryptic words and passages from the journal and find them within the drive in order to piece the puzzle together. Over half of the material you’ll find in all of this has never been seen before and some of it is hidden throughout the drive.

So, what’s the significance of this? It’s an epic story told through every medium available. You’ll need to read every word, listen to every MP3, view every video and look at every image before the picture even starts to take shape. Mine is the first book to not only embrace the technologies which have made the printed word obsolete, but also makes them necessary to get the entire experience. It’s also designed to fit into your pocket so you can take it anywhere you go. Something like this would be perfect for book clubs, as you could spend years exploring it and still find something new. Hell, I wrote the damn thing and I’m finding things even I’d never noticed before.The possibilities for this are endless and I’ve already got marketing schemes and plans to present it to the world in ways they’ve never seen before.

So, detective, are you up to the case?

Davlin

Saturday, February 4, 2012

On my decision to end Scattered Thoughts.

Landslide-Smashing Pumpkins

I started blogging on Myspace…Christ, almost six years ago. Eventually, it became too heavily visited by people I couldn’t be honest with, so I abandoned ship. I took only the best of what I’d done and moved it to blogspot. Then, I erased everything on Myspace.

I dug the name Scattered Thoughts, because I thought it was an apt description of my work and kept it for my new one. It started out extremely basic. There was nothing more than my words, but with the way things are nowadays, you need more. So, I kept experimenting. Over time I began to excel in other outlets and my blog was the heart of it all. In the three years it’s been up I’ve;

Managed to move past Alison, despite the things I’m stuck with forever; written two books and designed a killer website; connected with strangers from around the world; fulfilled a dream of performing on stage in Deep Ellum; missed out on going to film school in California; and of couse, there’s Ana.

Pins and needles-Billy Talent

Every time I looked at Scattered Thoughts I would see the pieces I’d written just a few months earlier and it broke my heart. Right before I moved back I stated the blog was coming to an end and I didn’t take it lightly. See, what I didn’t tell people was that I was also planning on killing myself and I felt it should end with me.

The battle I raged in the upstairs bedroom of my mom’s house was apocalyptic and I found myself with a few more things left to say. I didn’t, however have any ideas for creating a new blog, so I brought Scattered Thoughts back from the dead and posted five more pieces. Then, with it finally put to bed, I proceeded to follow through with the second part of my plan.

Adam's Song-Blink 182

But Mom had called in sick two days in a row, which meant I’d have to put it off until Monday. Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind was buzzing so loud. It finally focused on the picture of the bathroom ceiling from the hotel I stayed in while in California. It’s a painting of a beautiful blue sky, dotted with clouds and lit in a way to replicate sunlight shining through them. But, in the center are two doves frozen in flight, inches apart. No matter what, they’ll never touch. It seemed appropriate and this was the inspiration for the next chapter.

The photo is bright and beautiful, which is in direct contrast to everything else you see. The border, though barely visible, features dozens of black crows in flight. I chose the title Subsistence, because it means “things which help you to live”. The url is livingonlyformyslef.Blogspot.com. The tagline? “Despite my protests, life ensues”. I meant all of this as me taking charge of my life, while trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first piece had to do with my suicide plot and how I didn’t currently feel that way in the moment. It was meant to be uplifting and it made me feel good about myself. But what part do you think people focused on?

An aunt of mine only got halfway through and sounded the alarm, resulting in some of the worst conversations I’ve ever had. Ana even tried to contact me, but I wouldn’t call her back. I didn’t want her to think it was all to get her attention, because it wasn’t. It was just me not wanting to be around anymore.

After that, I soldiered on and posted a new piece a few days later and continue to do so as long as I have an internet connection. I like the new direction my art is taking me. And now, I’m coming up with new ways to present everything I’ve done. So, while Scattered Thoughts has concluded, it’s far from finished.

Remember the name-Fort Minor
I have lost,
an hour of sleep,
for every,
promise I couldn't keep.
Wide awake,
my nerves are shot.
Can't let go,
the pain is all I've got.
Now I lie,
in this bed I've made,
with regrets,
I will take to my grave.