Wake up the neighbors,
and beat down the door.
It's time to unleash,
all the things I've held back before.
The reason no one pursues their dreams is because we've made them impossible to attain. Normal people are content to be a complacent cog in the machine and the one's who want something more are labeled “crazy”.
Do you remember how at the beginning of the year we'd never go a day without hours of conversation filled with laughter, love, support and understanding? Why did that change when we had to do it face to face?
On the way home, my girlfriend told me everything she thought I had done wrong. Giving the audience the finger for example.
I’ve been trying to figure out the intricacies of the puzzle and I can’t help but wonder where all of this came from. The further I dig for an answer, the more I discover how tightly it’s all connected.
“When’s the last time you wrote anything?”
“The night after I moved in.”
“Yeah, that was three months ago. You haven’t looked into trying to get into a school and you bitch constantly about how much you hate it here. How’s that supposed to make me feel?”
“I don’t mean it as a slight against you, it’s this place.”
“But I’m here.”
“I know and that’s the only thing I like about it.”
“Well, one day you’re going to realize that’s not enough.”
Our home became a minefield which would explode at the slightest provocation. When you’re constantly going for the throat, it’s hard to remember what you love about the other. Playing victim and bully gets you nowhere.
Just one of my blogs has already generated over 6,000 hits from all over the world in just a year and a half. The problem is, agents don’t see this as an accomplishment, even though I did it on my own.
Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind was buzzing so loud. It finally focused on the picture of the bathroom ceiling from the hotel I stayed in while in California. It’s a painting of a beautiful blue sky, dotted with clouds and lit in a way to replicate sunlight shining through them. But, in the center are two doves frozen in flight, inches apart. No matter what, they’ll never touch. It seemed appropriate and this was the inspiration for the next chapter.
I have difficulties writing if I’m in a relationship. See, I always tell them it’s because I can’t write when I’m happy; this is not the case. That’s the beauty of mania, it swings both ways.
I stared up at the sky which would be brilliant with stars if they weren’t overpowered by the ambient light. It made me think about how our creations can blind us from the beautiful things all around us.
The clock has reached zero and it brings horrifying implications.
This is it. We've lost.
I abandon hope and just start running, leaving the others to fend for themselves.
The Beast is hungry.
Sweetheart, your past is never done. It grows at the same rate your future dies.
You've got what you really wanted now. I hope it was worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment