I guess I should have seen that coming (Reader's discretion is advised)

I'm still not entirely sure what it was which compelled me to do it, but I did.  I've thought about it constantly for a good while now, and though I knew no good would come from this course of action, I did it anyway.  Tonight I read Ana's blog.

I'm not sure what it was I was hoping to get from her words, I've been told she hated me and I guess I was trying to find some sort of sign as to why.  Well, I got it and here's what she wrote.

I also want to say, Ben, if you're reading this and blaming yourself so you can have more fuel for the self pity fest I'm sure you've been throwing yourself since you got back to Texas, stop reading it. You really are a piece of shit. My bad day I'm having that is causing me to write this post has nothing to do with you, nor does any other aspect of my life. And you're a real loser, and you need to just pull out your tampon and move on with your life. You were a dick. You ruined our relationship. Get the fuck over it. I did. And hey, maybe you're not even reading this. Maybe you're not crying all the time and imagining some world where you and I can be together if you could just change what you did or some bullshit. That would be awesome. But in case you are reading this, there you have it. Stay out of my life and fucking live yours for once.

It honestly left me speechless, though that has since subsided.  Ever since the breakup I've only posted pieces which spoke (pretty) favorably of you.  I've never lashed out against you in a public forum and I guess asking you to do the same would be too much.  Though, lying is what got us into this mess, so allow me to be honest with you for the first time since I moved to Tennessee.

You're right, I probably was a dick, but this is only because you were a miserable fucking cunt who sucked every scrap of joy I had left.  I was miserable with you and you never once seemed to care.  All those times I was taking out the trash or walking Vicious; it was because I was trying to get away from you.  Oh, and I to smoke because being around you stressed me out so much I didn't know what else to do.  I was honest with you about everything before I moved and the second I got there you fucking changed and expected me to do the same.  When I couldn't fit into this mold you wanted of me you began to lash out.  I had absolutely no sense of self worth by the time you were done with me that I probably was a loser.  More than that, though, I was broken the fuck down and I'm glad you ended us.  I was more upset about having to go back to Texas than never seeing you again.

At first, sure, I mourned the end of us.  I thought I missed you, but the truth is I only missed the person I thought you were.  She, however, never existed.  Again, yes, I did feel sorry for myself, but how dare you make fun of me for that.  Bitch, you have absolutely no idea what the fuck I've been through BECAUSE OF YOU.  I guess for you to be able to see this it would require you to have a heart, but we both know that's not exactly going to happen.  You're cold, mentally abusive and one of the most despondent people I have ever known.  So, as for that world where we could still be together, no thanks.  I've been to that Hell once and didn't find it enjoyable.

The only reason I even went to your blog was because I truly hoped you were doing okay.  I wanted you to fix all the fucking issues you so clearly have and maybe find a sense of peace.  Now, I'm going to go back to living my life, which has improved greatly just from you not being a part of it.