Epiphany in the gloom

Drilled a wire through my cheek-Blue October

I turn up the headphones to drown out the voices, both in and external. It's in this state that things actually start making sense. As the pen in my hand dances across the paper, my fears begin to take shape.

People ask questions and are then unhappy with the answers they receive. They respond in anger and, even if all the hearts are in the right place, only make the situation worse. Through mostly one sided conversations and lonely, late night drives the scabs of old wounds are picked until they are once again fresh, also doing little to help the present situation. There's nowhere to go and a moment's relief has become a rare and precious commodity.

Everyone has their own answers and directions as to what I'm supposed to do next, but maybe that's not what is truly best for me. The cycle continues to spin and it makes me dizzy. I can't fit into anyone else' box anymore. For the last month and change I've heard almost nothing but how much of a disappointment I've been and the horrible person I've become. And you know what? I just don't give a fuck anymore. I can't waste anymore time trying to become what Ana, my parents or anyone else thinks I should be. I've given everything I am to people...there's nothing left.

I'm not sure what's going to happen, or what road I'm going to take. Where ever I may end up, the decision is going to be my own. From now on, I need to do what I need to, for me. I'm not asking for you to accept this, but, please, try to understand.