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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Anathema: A multi-media novella Part III

The Diary-Hollywood Undead

The suicide scare put me at odds with my mom and step dad, so I started making plans to stay with someone else.  On my last night there I took a package of note cards and started on a complete rewrite of Scattered Thoughts.  I packed up all the belongings I deemed crucial to my artistic success and left for my aunt’s before mom or Jeff got home.  I stayed with her for two days and on the second one, I completed the newly titled My time in Hell and other whimsical tales.



Mom was putting pressure on me to get myself checked back into the hospital, but the fact was finishing the book was the best therapy I could have gotten.  The next day I moved in with my cousin, Christy and stayed in the room I grew up in, along with a whole new set of triggers.  You haunted my every thought and each time I closed my eyes there you were to make sleep impossible.  To make matters worse, everyone I’d left behind six months prior were not shy about letting me know just how angry with me they were.

To get out of the house I’d hit up a Starbucks nearby and started the task of sending out query letters in the hopes some agent would take me on and finally get me published.  They didn’t.

But I wouldn’t be discouraged and started brainstorming how to go about writing the next chapter.  For the better part of a year I’d planned a book dedicated to you and the life we were going to build together, though now it didn’t seem appropriate.  Inspiration finally struck when I was smoking out with an old co-worker.



While in Tennessee I came up with this idea to do a horror story dealing with the supernatural and which was handwritten in a journal.  The plan was to use some of my own stories as the foundation on which I’d build the narrative.  Instead, I merged it with the story of us and I’ve no reason to dream… became what it is today.  After a week of locking myself into that room and working constantly; it was finished.  That’s when I bought a new journal and started all over again.

Jump on my shoulders-Awolnation

Something I don’t talk much about is that during this time I was locked in battle with things most people wouldn’t believe.  There was something after me and it fought fucking dirty.  The closer I became to finishing the book; the angrier The Beast would get and my mental state was growing increasingly unstable.



Mom got me a job in the kitchen of the nursing home where she works and I began an ill advised romantic relationship; though the latter dissolved as abruptly as it had started.  I also found out from a mutual friend just how much you came to Hate me; even going so far as to demand my name not be said while in your presence.  It hurt more than I was prepared for and I spiraled further into self destruction.

In January of this year my car was repossessed and I became even more isolated as a result. I took all the anger, frustration and depression and pored them out onto the page.  Before I knew it, my work was finished and the demon defeated.  I had somehow managed to exorcise it and now it remains trapped within the tome.  In truth, I don’t like to touch it unless absolutely necessary.

This is when things turned around as much as I’d be allowed.  I self published My time in Hell…, though it was met with minimal interest.  An old flame from my past came back and as we talked I let myself believe my feelings were stronger than they were in order to get over you.  My cousin and I got into a massive fight which all but left me homeless.  So, exactly a year after moving to be with you, I hopped on a bus to South Carolina to see where this next romantic endeavor would lead.  The one thought I couldn’t shake on the 25 hour ride was that it was cheapening everything I did so we could be together.

Between you and I-Every Avenue

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