Landslide-Smashing Pumpkins
I started blogging on Myspace…Christ, almost six years ago. Eventually, it became too heavily visited by people I couldn’t be honest with, so I abandoned ship. I took only the best of what I’d done and moved it to blogspot. Then, I erased everything on Myspace.
I dug the name Scattered Thoughts, because I thought it was an apt description of my work and kept it for my new one. It started out extremely basic. There was nothing more than my words, but with the way things are nowadays, you need more. So, I kept experimenting. Over time I began to excel in other outlets and my blog was the heart of it all. In the three years it’s been up I’ve;
Managed to move past Alison, despite the things I’m stuck with forever; written two books and designed a killer website; connected with strangers from around the world; fulfilled a dream of performing on stage in Deep Ellum; missed out on going to film school in California; and of couse, there’s Ana.
Pins and needles-Billy Talent
Every time I looked at Scattered Thoughts I would see the pieces I’d written just a few months earlier and it broke my heart. Right before I moved back I stated the blog was coming to an end and I didn’t take it lightly. See, what I didn’t tell people was that I was also planning on killing myself and I felt it should end with me.
The battle I raged in the upstairs bedroom of my mom’s house was apocalyptic and I found myself with a few more things left to say. I didn’t, however have any ideas for creating a new blog, so I brought Scattered Thoughts back from the dead and posted five more pieces. Then, with it finally put to bed, I proceeded to follow through with the second part of my plan.
Adam's Song-Blink 182
But Mom had called in sick two days in a row, which meant I’d have to put it off until Monday. Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind was buzzing so loud. It finally focused on the picture of the bathroom ceiling from the hotel I stayed in while in California. It’s a painting of a beautiful blue sky, dotted with clouds and lit in a way to replicate sunlight shining through them. But, in the center are two doves frozen in flight, inches apart. No matter what, they’ll never touch. It seemed appropriate and this was the inspiration for the next chapter.
The photo is bright and beautiful, which is in direct contrast to everything else you see. The border, though barely visible, features dozens of black crows in flight. I chose the title Subsistence, because it means “things which help you to live”. The url is livingonlyformyslef.Blogspot.com. The tagline? “Despite my protests, life ensues”. I meant all of this as me taking charge of my life, while trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first piece had to do with my suicide plot and how I didn’t currently feel that way in the moment. It was meant to be uplifting and it made me feel good about myself. But what part do you think people focused on?
An aunt of mine only got halfway through and sounded the alarm, resulting in some of the worst conversations I’ve ever had. Ana even tried to contact me, but I wouldn’t call her back. I didn’t want her to think it was all to get her attention, because it wasn’t. It was just me not wanting to be around anymore.
After that, I soldiered on and posted a new piece a few days later and continue to do so as long as I have an internet connection. I like the new direction my art is taking me. And now, I’m coming up with new ways to present everything I’ve done. So, while Scattered Thoughts has concluded, it’s far from finished.
Remember the name-Fort Minor
I started blogging on Myspace…Christ, almost six years ago. Eventually, it became too heavily visited by people I couldn’t be honest with, so I abandoned ship. I took only the best of what I’d done and moved it to blogspot. Then, I erased everything on Myspace.
I dug the name Scattered Thoughts, because I thought it was an apt description of my work and kept it for my new one. It started out extremely basic. There was nothing more than my words, but with the way things are nowadays, you need more. So, I kept experimenting. Over time I began to excel in other outlets and my blog was the heart of it all. In the three years it’s been up I’ve;
Managed to move past Alison, despite the things I’m stuck with forever; written two books and designed a killer website; connected with strangers from around the world; fulfilled a dream of performing on stage in Deep Ellum; missed out on going to film school in California; and of couse, there’s Ana.
Pins and needles-Billy Talent
Every time I looked at Scattered Thoughts I would see the pieces I’d written just a few months earlier and it broke my heart. Right before I moved back I stated the blog was coming to an end and I didn’t take it lightly. See, what I didn’t tell people was that I was also planning on killing myself and I felt it should end with me.
The battle I raged in the upstairs bedroom of my mom’s house was apocalyptic and I found myself with a few more things left to say. I didn’t, however have any ideas for creating a new blog, so I brought Scattered Thoughts back from the dead and posted five more pieces. Then, with it finally put to bed, I proceeded to follow through with the second part of my plan.
Adam's Song-Blink 182
But Mom had called in sick two days in a row, which meant I’d have to put it off until Monday. Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep at all, my mind was buzzing so loud. It finally focused on the picture of the bathroom ceiling from the hotel I stayed in while in California. It’s a painting of a beautiful blue sky, dotted with clouds and lit in a way to replicate sunlight shining through them. But, in the center are two doves frozen in flight, inches apart. No matter what, they’ll never touch. It seemed appropriate and this was the inspiration for the next chapter.
The photo is bright and beautiful, which is in direct contrast to everything else you see. The border, though barely visible, features dozens of black crows in flight. I chose the title Subsistence, because it means “things which help you to live”. The url is livingonlyformyslef.Blogspot.com. The tagline? “Despite my protests, life ensues”. I meant all of this as me taking charge of my life, while trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first piece had to do with my suicide plot and how I didn’t currently feel that way in the moment. It was meant to be uplifting and it made me feel good about myself. But what part do you think people focused on?
An aunt of mine only got halfway through and sounded the alarm, resulting in some of the worst conversations I’ve ever had. Ana even tried to contact me, but I wouldn’t call her back. I didn’t want her to think it was all to get her attention, because it wasn’t. It was just me not wanting to be around anymore.
After that, I soldiered on and posted a new piece a few days later and continue to do so as long as I have an internet connection. I like the new direction my art is taking me. And now, I’m coming up with new ways to present everything I’ve done. So, while Scattered Thoughts has concluded, it’s far from finished.
Remember the name-Fort Minor
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